People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I touched a dick in church today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
