and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
