I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize