Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize