Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
