happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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