First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
