ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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