I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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