he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I came so hard my ears popped.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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