I need help removing her.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Congratulations! We have a period
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
