Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
