There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
