Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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