Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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