I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
