Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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