All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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