I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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