I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize