he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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