You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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