vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
