the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
