god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
