Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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