1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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