I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
