I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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