He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
