make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
