I looked at my own cervix.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
