So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
