the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
