life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
