The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
