my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
my liver is dry heaving
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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