Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
