Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
