im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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