Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
