Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Farmville is her only friend.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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