we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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