Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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