Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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