worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mom said you looked used
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
