Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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