I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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