I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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