You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
