We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
