so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
