I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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