it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
