Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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