The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A bitchslap is in order.
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