those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize