If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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