How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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