Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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