Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
