you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
