so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
