I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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