Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
