margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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