I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want her autograph on my taint
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
