I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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