One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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