Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
