Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
