I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We left an ass print on the piano.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
