She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize