Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
