making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
