I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
