if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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