How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
