I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
