If i come over, it means nothing
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
