she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
