I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
