paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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