I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
