I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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