she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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