No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
