your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
