I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
