i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
