I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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