i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
