we're blogging at a bar
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
