This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you will always have a special place in my vag
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
