Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
