and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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