Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
