if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
