all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
