i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
