Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
