I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize