I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
