Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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