Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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