Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
