Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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