dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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