Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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