honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
