I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
