I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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